It was a typical pre-Christmas
afternoon. I was on my way to see a friend of mine, I had made a
reasonable effort, eyeliner was relatively even and I had brushed my
hair into a state of rare submission. I certainly was not expecting
any male attention, yet that is exactly what I experienced… in very
strikingly different ways.
Situation male 1:
Sitting calmly on the bus, being a good
student and reading a paper, and a man comes and sits next me. I
realize we are overlapping slightly; no problem! I shuffle up,
allowing both of us more personal space. But then proceeds the
problem; he also shuffles up into me, his arm beginning to dig into
my breasticles. At this point, I am a little miffed, the ability to
highlight the paper I am reading has gone out the window. I shuffle a
little more and make a defensive stance with my own arm. He
retaliates with more shuffling and pressing against me. I am now
pushed against the window, when I imagine my surprise as he starts to
play with his penis! This is the final straw, I stand and move seats.
Did I have the right reaction? I am still ponderous about this.
Perhaps I should have been more forthright, and ask him what the hell
he was doing? Yet, I could have been wrong, maybe I misinterpreted
his actions.
Situation male 2:
Not more than ten minutes later, having
disembarked, I am still pondering how exactly I feel about the
previous situation. Was I being objectified? Whatever it was, it was
uncomfortable. Crossing the road, I walk in front of a white van, as
I reach the other side, the driver winds down his window and calls
out at me (add a north London accent for effect) “Very nice
darling! Have a Merry Christmas, yeah?”. I turned and gave him
a quick smile and nod.
However, I continued on my way ever
more confused, and more pointedly trying to suss out why my reactions
had been so different. On all accounts, these were both examples of
‘objectification’. However, what I found interesting was that the
second man had in fact dampened the negative effects of the first. He
seemed friendly, innocent and besides, I have always appreciated
festivity.
My anecdotes lead to this: Is
objectification all the same? Is it all bad? Is it possible that when
it is open, friendly and non-invasive, it is actually ok? Even little
fun, ;)? I have to admit, that at times I am an avid objectifier of
men, yet I describe it as ‘appreciation’. Maybe it is nice to be
appreciated sometimes, as long as my personal space and integrity is
maintained and the male appendage is kept out of it.
SS
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